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Post 13: Original blog post to the revised blog post

Original Post: 

Hello to you all! My name is Chelsea Evans. I'm 26 years old. Next month I will have been married for 5 years to my husband. I work at a local eye doctor office in my hometown as the office manager for about 6 1/2 years now. I am starting my first semester of college with this class on my journey to becoming a R.N. in the future. I would describe myself as a sincere, thoughtful, and very adventurous person. I enjoy traveling to new places with my family. One of my favorite places to go would be Universal Studios in Orlando. I currently have a trip countdown going for another trip to Universal Studios in the next few weeks! Traveling to new places and meeting new people gives me something to look forward to and forever memories! I look forward to reading all of your Intro's and all of the knowledge to learning to write in this English Composition class we will gain. So here's to the start of our semester together!

Revised Post:

Hello my fellow classmates! My name is Chelsea Evans, and I am 26 years old. I am happily married to my husband of five years. I have been working at a local optometrist office as the office manager for almost seven years now. I have decided to go to college to achieve my goal of becoming a R.N., B.S.N., so here I am in this class to start my journey of achieving this goal. When describing myself the words that come to mind would be sincere, thoughtful, and very adventurous. One of my favorite hobbies would be traveling to new places with my family, such as our current trip we have coming up to Universal Studios in Orlando. The best part to look forward to this traveling is the meeting of new people while gaining forever memories with my family. I also look forward to reading all of your introductions. As well as all of the knowledge to learn to write in this English Composition class we will gain. So here’s to the start of our semester together!


Comments

  1. Katelynn ChambersNovember 4, 2022 at 3:00 PM

    Seems like you've opened up a bit with your edit! There didn't really seem to be anything wrong with your post beforehand, so maybe you had a bit of trouble to reword it all, but I think it made you feel more expressive!

    ReplyDelete

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